How To Support a Loved One When They’re Thinking of Suicide
*This blog post talks about suicide, which some readers may find upsetting.
Finding out that someone you love and care about is experiencing suicide ideation can feel terrifying. And it’s normal to feel overwhelmed or to feel like the person needs to be saved or hospitalized immediately. However just because someone discloses that they are experiencing suicide ideation, doesn’t mean that they are at imminent risk. It does likely mean that they are reaching out for help and support.
Before we jump too far into things, let’s chat about some key terms first.
Key Definitions
Suicide Ideation: is when we think about or consider suicide [1]
Passive Suicide Ideation: When we think about suicide without necessarily having a plan or think about ending our own lives, this is passive suicide ideation [2]. This might sound like, “I wish I was dead” , “I just don’t want to be alive anymore” , “I want to die”. It’s typically considered less severe as it means the person does not necessarily have a specific plan or strong intent to end their life, however it’s still crucial to take seriously.
Active Suicide Ideation: When we think about suicide in a way where we have a clear plan or intent to end our lives, this is considered active suicide ideation [2]. This can sound like, “Sometimes when I’m walking home, I think about jumping off the bridge”. It conveys that the person isn’t just desiring to be dead, but desiring to kill themselves.
Suicide Attempt: When someone does something to try to purposely end their life, regardless of if it results in an injury or death, this is a suicide attempt [1]. A suicide attempt is different than nonsuicidal self-injury, which is when someone purposely harms themselves (e.g. cutting wrists) without the intent to end their lives [3]. In Canada, 3.1% of individuals 15 years and older report having attempted suicide in their lifetime [4].
Suicide Cues: Are signs that tell us that someone might be thinking about suicide. Sometimes this can show up subtly. It might sound like, “I just don’t want to be here anymore” , “I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up”, “I can’t live like this anymore” , or “When I get depressed - things to to a really dark and and scary place”. None of these convey with 100% certainty that someone is experiencing suicide ideation, but when I hear clients say this, I typically dig deeper to get a better understanding of what they mean.
Suicide: Is when someone does something with intent to end their life with a fatal outcome [1].
How You Can Provide Support
While most people who experience suicide ideation do not attempt to end their life [5], it’s still crucial to take disclosures of suicide ideation seriously. Suicide attempts can have devastating and irreversible impacts for the person, for the people they love, and for their community. When someone dies by suicide, an average of 7 - 10 people are significantly impacted [6].
Talk to Your Loved One
It’s normal to feel awkward talking about suicide, or to feel afraid that talking about their suicidal thoughts will make things worse. There is no evidence to support that talking about suicide increases the risk of suicide or worsens suicide ideation [7]. Studies have also shown that when the loved one perceives support from family or friends, it can protect them against suicide risk [8].
It’s okay if the conversation doesn’t go perfectly. And if you need support beyond this blog, you can call 9-8-8 to get guidance on questions to ask and what you might say to provide emotional support.
Some things that you might say could be:
“I know you’ve been struggling a lot lately, and it makes sense that you’re feeling exhausted”
“Earlier you said you didn’t want to be here anymore. When you say that, are you thinking about suicide?”
“How long have you felt this way for?”
“I’d like to support you. What can I do?”
“Have you considered talking to a doctor or a counsellor? Is that something I could support you with?”
“It sounds like things are feeling really overwhelming right now. Could we call 9-8-8 together to help you get some support from a professional?”
“If you felt like you felt overwhelmed or that you might try to end your life, would you feel comfortable reaching out to me?”
It’s important to note, if you believe there is a suicide in progress or if someone is in immediate danger of trying to end their life, you can call 9-1-11 or take them to an emergency department.
Encouraging Support Sooner Rather than Later
Mental health and medical professionals can have big impacts on people’s mental health. When someone is experiencing suicide ideation, typically this can be traced back to a number of risk factors, which can include depression, feeling isolated or not having much social support, experiencing anxiety or stress, using alcohol or drugs, insomnia, or trauma [9]. When people are able to get treatment and assessments sooner, that can reduce the risk of suicide attempts poor mental health outcomes [10].
What Supports are Available?
If you or your loved one need immediate support, you can call 9-8-8. If your loved one’s life is in danger, you can call 9-1-1.
Other options to get your loved one support might include:
Booking in with a mental health who specializes in supporting individuals experiencing suicide ideation (like myself) or finding another professional on Psychology Today who specializes in suicide ideation.
Going to a family doctor or walk-in clinic to explore medication options or ask for other referral options.
If finances are a limiting factor, you can find free and affordable counselling services in a previous blog post, Free & Affordable Counselling Resources
Interested in Getting Support from Me?
I specialize in working with individuals experiencing suicidal ideation and also provide guidance and support to concerned loved ones. If you live in British Columbia and are looking for a counsellor, I invite you to book in for a free 20-minute consultation by clicking here. And if I’m not the right fit? I’m always more than happy to make a referral to my trusted network of clinicians.
References
[1] National Institute of Mental Health. Suicide. (2019). https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/suicide.shtml
[2] Liu, R. T., Bettis, A. H., & Burke, T. A. (2020). Characterizing the phenomenology of passive suicidal ideation: a systematic review and meta-analysis of its prevalence, psychiatric comorbidity, correlates, and comparisons with active suicidal ideation. Psychological Medicine, 50(3), 367–383. https://doi.org/10.1017/S003329171900391X
[3] Klonsky, E. D., Victor, S. E., & Saffer, B. Y. (2014). Nonsuicidal self-injury: What we know, and what we need to know. The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, 59(11), 565-568. https://doi.org/10.1177%2F070674371405901101
[4] Stats Canada. (2020). Suicide in Canada: Key Statistics. Government of Canada. https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/publications/healthy-living/suicide-canada-key-statistics-infographic.html
[5] May, A. M., & Klonsky, E. D. (2016). What Distinguishes Suicide Attempters From Suicide Ideators? A Meta-Analysis of Potential Factors. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice , 23(1), 5–20. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0101735
[6] Stats Canada. (2022). Suicide in Canada. Government of Canada. https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/suicide-prevention/suicide-canada.html
[7] Dazzi, T., Gribble, R., Wessely, S., & Fear, N. (2014). Does asking about suicide and related behaviours induce suicidal ideation? What is the evidence? Psychological Medicine. 44(16), 3361-3363. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0033291714001299
[8] Kleiman, E. M., Riskind, J. H., Schaefer, K. E., & Weingarden, H. (2012). The Moderating Role of Social Support on the Relationship Between Impulsivity and Suicide Risk. Crisis: The Journal of Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention, 33(5), 273–279. https://doi.org/10.1027/0227-5910/a000136
[9] Shobhana, S. S., & Raviraj, K. G. (2022). Global trends of suicidal thought, suicidal ideation, and self-harm during COVID-19 pandemic: a systematic review. Egyptian Journal of Forensic Sciences, 12(1), 28–28.
[10] Cash, S. J., & Bridge, J. A. (2009). Epidemiology of youth suicide and suicidal behavior. Current Opinion in Pediatrics, 21(5), 613–619. https://doi.org/10.1097/MOP.0b013e32833063e1
*I do my best to ensure my posts are accurate and to cite reputable sources, however if you notice something that needs a correction please reach out to me at monica@beginagaintoday.ca.
