Divorce: Understanding the Impact on Kids

*This post touches on suicide which may be upsetting to some readers.

Divorce touches many families across the world. In Canada, the divorce rate in 2020 was 5.6 per 1,000 married persons [1]. Research from the United States shows that almost half of marriages eventually end in divorce [2]. What this means is that many of children will not grow up with both parents in the same household. Instead, many will spend part of their childhood in a single-parent home, a blended family, living with a parent and their new partner, or a combination of all of the above, trekking back and forth between parents’ homes [3].

Because divorce is so common, it can be easy to assume that children will just adjust and make it work. And children can be very resilient, research consistently shows that divorce can be one of the most difficult experiences a child goes through. For some, the effects may be short-lived. For others, the changes can be long-lasting and painful.

Divorce as an Adverse Childhood Experience

Adverse childhood experiences (sometimes also called ACE) are stressful or traumatic events that take place in childhood and can increase the risk of mental and physical health problems later in life. Examples include abuse, neglect, and household challenges such as parental mental illness or substance use [4]. Not only is divorce/separation is considered an adverse childhood experience, it is the most common adverse childhood experience in the U.S. [5].

This doesn’t mean divorce is automatically harmful or that all children of divorced parents will struggle. And it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get divorced. But it does remind us that divorce can be disruptive for children, especially if it brings conflict, instability, or a lack of support.

How Divorce Can Affect Children

Studies suggest that children of divorced parents are more likely to experience a range of challenges compared to their peers in intact families [6]. These can include:

• More difficulty in school, especially in reading and math [7]

• Struggles with peers and/or increased aggression [8]

• Higher chances of experimenting with substances [9]

• Feelings of anxiety or depression [9]

• An increased risk of suicidal thoughts or attempts [9]

One of the most important factors to the items on the list above is conflict. Specifically high conflict. When children are exposed to high conflict between parents (before, during, or after divorce) they are more likely to experience emotional and behavioural difficulties [7]

The Serious Link to Suicide

Perhaps one of the most concerning findings is the connection between divorce and suicide risk. Even a single ACE can raise the chances of a suicide attempt two to five times across the lifespan [10]. More recent studies have found that divorce or separation may have a stronger link to suicide attempts in children and teens than even severe adversities such as physical abuse or the death of a loved one [9].

In Canada, suicide was the fourth leading cause of death among children ages 1–14 between 2016 and 2020 [11]. While the numbers are small compared to adult suicide rates, the fact that suicide ranks so high for children makes this issue one we cannot overlook.

Risk and Protective Factors

It’s important to remember that not all children will respond to divorce in the same way. Some are more vulnerable, while others show strong resilience. Research points to several risk factors that may increase the likelihood of difficulties, including:

• Less supportive or less emotionally available parenting [6]

• A parent experiencing depression [6]

• High or ongoing parental conflict [7]

At the same time, there are also protective factors that can help buffer against these risks:

• Parents who were sensitive and involved before the divorce [6]

• Children’s coping skills such as problem-solving or acceptance [7]

• Continued, safe involvement of the noncustodial parent [8]

While other risk and protective factors exist, in this blog I’ve highlighted the ones that you might have some control over. If you are experiencing depressive symptoms, you can seek support from a doctor or a counsellor. If you and your partner have a high conflict divorce, you can seek relationship counselling (which can focus on reducing conflict and co-parenting) or seek family therapy. It’s also important to remember that these factors don’t determine a child’s outcome, but they do show that support and resources can make a difference.

Moving Forward

Divorce is common, but that doesn’t mean its impact is small. While many children adapt and go on to do well, others face real struggles that aren’t always visible. Teachers, doctors, and community workers can play a key role in noticing when a child may need extra support. Parents can also benefit from resources that help them co-parent in a way that protects their child’s emotional health. Collaborative divorce models, where parents work with professionals to reduce conflict, are one example of how to lessen harm [12].

Every child deserves stability, care, and the chance to thrive, even when their family is changing.

Getting Support

If you’re interested in getting individual or relationship counselling as you navigate this process, I invite you to book in for a free 20-minute consultation by clicking here. While I don’t provide family counselling or counselling to children under the age of 19, I’m more than happy to help connect you with other clinicians I know and trust. You can connect with me by emailing monica@beginagaintoday.ca.

References

[1] Statistics Canada. (2022). A fifty year look at divorces in Canada, 1970 to 2020. https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/daily-quotidien/220309/dq220309a-eng.htm

[2] Bramlett, M. D., & Mosher, W. D. (2002). Cohabitation, marriage, divorce, and remarriage in the United States. National Center for Health Statistics. 23(22)

[3] Bumpass, L. L., Raley, R. K., & Sweet, J. A. (1995). The changing character of stepfamilies: Implications of cohabitation and nonmarital childbearing. Demography, 32, 425-436 https://doi.org/10.2307/2061689

[4] National Conference of State Legislatures. (2021). Adverse Childhood Experiences. https://www.ncsl.org/research/health/adverse-childhood-experiences-aces.aspx

[5] Health Resources and Services Administration’s Maternal and Child Health Bureau. (2020). Adverse childhood experiences. National Survey of Children’s Health. https://mchb.hrsa.gov/sites/default/files/mchb/data-research/nsch-ace-databrief.pdf

[6] Weaver, J. M. & Schofield, T. J. (2015). Mediation and moderation of divorce effects on children’s behaviour problems. Journal of Family Psychology. 29(1), 39-48 https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000043

[7] O’Hara, K. L., Sandler, S. A., Wolchik, S. A., & Tein, J. (2019). Coping in context: The effects of long-term relations between interparental conflict and coping on the development of child psychopathology following parental divorce. Development and Psychopathology, 31(5), 1695-1713. 10.1017/S0954579419000981

[8] Haimi, M., & Lerner, A. (2016). The impact of parental separation and divorce on the health status of children, and the ways to improve it. Journal of Clinical & Medical Genomics, 4(1), 1-7.

[9] Carbone, J. T., Jackson, D. B., Holzer, K. J., & Vaughn, M. G. (2021). Childhood adversity, suicidality, and non-suicidal self-injury among children and adolescents admitted to emergency departments. Annals of Epidemology, 60, 21-57. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.annepidem.2021.04.015

[10] Dube, S. R., Anda, R. F., & Felliti, V. J. (2001). Childhood abuse, household dysfunction, and the risk of attempted suicide throughout the life span. The Journal of the American Medical Association. 286(24), 3089-3096. doi:10.1001/jama.286.24.3089

[11] Statistics Canada. (2022). Leading causes of death, total population, by age group. https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/t1/tbl1/en/tv.action?pid=1310039401&pickMembers%5B0%5D=2.21&pickMembers%5B1%5D=3.1&cubeTimeFrame.startYear=2016&cubeTimeFrame.endYear=2020&referencePeriods=20160101%2C20200101

[12]  Deutsch, R. M. (2008). Divorce in the 21st century: Multidisciplinary family interventions. The Journal of Psychiatry & Law. 36(1), 41-66

*I do my best to ensure my posts are accurate and to cite reputable sources, however if you notice something that needs a correction please reach out to me at monica@beginagaintoday.ca.